Do you ever just… Sit?

Okay, I’ll be honest: the title as an attempt at saying something particularly profound, but at the same it means exactly what it says.

Do you ever just sit? Just sit perfectly still, staring into nothingness, letting your thoughts wander? Watching as the world goes by without you as you deliberately sit there and do nothing?

You probably don’t. And even if you do, you probably don’t do it enough.

I’m in a hotel room. I’m away for work for a few days, with a colleague who’s in another hotel room, and I’m just sitting here. Or, well, I was for a while. Right now I’m typing this – as a response to just sitting there for a while, but for a while I was in fact just sitting there.

You see, I was contemplating what to do. Whether I should go outside for a walk, call someone, read a book, do some pushups, watch TV, play a game on my phone, or write.

My laptop was right next to me and the book I’m reading is currently resting on the empty side of my bed. My plan when I knew I was coming here was to get a lot of reading done (because you know, who doesn’t want to get an evening or to off from the world with nothing to do but read?)

But I realized I didn’t even want to do that, at least not right now. I didn’t want to write either, even though I brought the very laptop I’m writing this blog post on right now for that very purpose, and I do in fact have a very cool project I’m revising after some editorial feedback I received a few weeks ago.

Yet, I found myself just… sitting. At first it felt like I was just postponing making a choice. Like I didn’t know where to start or what I wanted to do and that I was wasting time by not getting to it. Then, I realized, that just sitting is a thing to do as well.

Just sitting and thinking (or not thinking, if that’s what you prefer), and it made me feel good. Made me feel content about all the things I wasn’t doing (for some weird reason), because maybe I was glad that I had them to do at all. I sat there, thinking that I had all these thing on my mind, and it gave me a kind of purpose.

…And also maybe I fell asleep a little bit.

I don’t know if I’m explaining this very well and I didn’t intend for it to come across as some kind of meditative, self-help, nonsensical spiral of weirdness. I guess I just realized that it’s okay not to try and do all the things all the time – and not just because you’re procrastinating, but because you choose to not do them. On purpose. And then I realized that I had to write all of this down and I stopped just sitting and found my laptop.

But honestly, I guess it’s because I’m constantly chasing that next thing I feel like I should be doing, because it’s only when I’m doing things I’ve convinced myself are important that I feel like I have purpose and meaning, and I know I’m not the only one who feels like that.

So the next time you’re wondering what do to, remember what I said, and remind yourself that it’s okay just to sit there sometimes. Just for a while.

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