I Just Failed – Big Time

It was all supposed to work itself out, but then… I don’t even know how it happened.

Okay – I’m overreacting. It’s not like I’ve done anything bad or that anyone’s hurt, or that I lost the secret map to the hidden treasure that was going to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams… but I was supposed to do this project for NaNoWriMo, and for a whole month I haven’t written one, single, word.

NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, and the premise is simple: write a novel in a month (or at least 50 000 words worth). It sounds kinda weird to dedicate a specific month to that, I know (because why not just… write a novel when you want to write a novel, right?) But in a strange way it’s very motivating to set aside a specific amount of time each year to focus on a single project, to do just that one thing for November, and maybe even know that your friends are doing the exact same thing.

My plan was simple this year. I wasn’t going to write something new – I wanted to edit something old. I had the perfect story in mind, a short horror novella that I could easily sit down and work with and get into—if not perfect—at least much better shape than it was.

I started NaNo with a bang, reading through the entire thing and making notes at the start of the month. I felt good about my plan – and even better, I felt great about my story! This was going to be a fun and exciting project to wrap up 2022 with.

And then… Nothing.

What the hell happened to November?

I literally haven’t looked at the story since the start of the month, and apparently it’s—*checks watch*—the 30th today.

I know, I know, I hear what you’re saying: “But Trey! Surely you have done other stuff?” Yes, yes, of course I’ve done other stuff, but it wasn’t that much other stuff, so it feels like I’ve failed.

Because I had a plan and I wanted to commit to my plan and somehow I’ve just… I don’t know, forgotten? And it’s s not like I feel like I’ve just been lying around doing nothing in November either, so… I don’t know. It’s weird to not have something specific to blame my lack of commitment on.

Anyways—I’m rambling and I’m whining, and I have only myself to blame. I’ll try to revise that horror novella during the next few months instead, and it’ll be like nothing ever happened. And yet… It still feels like I failed.

How has your November been? Did you try your luck with NaNoWriMo or are you working on something else? Or maybe nothing at all? Let me know in the comments!

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