Creative Loss

What would you do if you lost all your creative powers?

My wife – whom I love dearly and wish to spend the rest of my life with – left me yesterday.

No, not in an emotional sense; only physically.

You see, we live apart for the time being. It’s because of this job I have, which is super cool, and we make up for it by visiting each other.

One of the unforeseen positive sides of the current world situation (there’s a pandemic, in case you hadn’t noticed) is that my wife suddenly doesn’t have so much work to do. Or, she does, but she’s not allowed to do it.

Due to that, our last visit got extended for quite some time. We’ve actually been together since Christmas living it up like a regular married couple doing regular married couple things all the time.

Until now.

She’s gone back, and though it might not be very long until we meet again, it always makes us feel terrible.

For me, that usually manifests in my creative side. Thing is, it’s tends to be for the positive. In the sense that I get super motivated and lose myself in my work, to fill that emotional hollowness of being away from my wife.

Except this time, it’s the opposite. I feel drained. Empty, in a bad way. Like I don’t have anything to contribute, no songs to write, no words to pour onto the page. It’s strange and a very alien feeling.

The worst part is – it’s not even true! Lately, I’ve been on a massive roll. I’ve submitted a lot of stories – both short and long – to a lot of places, and I’m starting edits on my third novel in a few days time, something I’m very excited about. Hell, as I write this I’m even expecting the last proof on a story I’m submitting tomorrow! So this feeling of uselessness isn’t even real.

But it feels like I don’t remember how to do it anymore. As if I’ve lost skills I used to have, that I was proud of, and I have no idea how it even happened. A creative memory loss, if you will.

I know it won’t last. It will pass, as it always does. My wife is experiencing a similar sensation, feeling lost and out of place in this world, so we’re in it together.

Which is how I know it will be okay – just like my wife and I – we always are.

But it’s an important feeling to recognize, I think. You can’t have ups without downs, and right now, I’m in a massive slump.

I just beg that it’s over soon, because I have a lot of amazing writing to do and I can’t me sitting around moping like this.

How are you doing these days? Finding ways to cope during the pandemic? Exploring new creative outlets or maybe dabbling with some newfound interest for physical activity? Or are you simply just surviving, like so many of us? Because that’s okay too. Sometimes that’s all we can do.

2 thoughts on “Creative Loss

Add yours

  1. If its any help I always look forward to your newsletter.
    The last one made me pick up my pen and map out how many words I wanted to write and the timescales. I gave myself 15,000 words by end of May (it is a children’s short story book) and I am now 3/4 of the way done!
    Inspiration will come when least expected.
    Maybe for now it’s just time to be.

    Liked by 1 person

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