The Darkness Is Coming For Us In The High North

I’m exhausted, but the promise of polar night is giving me peace.

I feel like every time I come around to writing a blog post that isn’t a book review or news about some upcoming project, it’s just all about how fast time is moving and how I feel like the weeks are flying by.

Well, this time isn’t any different. I’m sitting here in Svalbard, at 78 degrees north, looking at the snow covering the peaks at the other side of the valley and wondering what happened to autumn.

We were lucky enough to have one of my nephew’s visiting this summer, and though the visit wasn’t all we had hoped and dreamed it would be seeing as my wife managed to injure her back (quite severely) in the exact same period, it was still an amazing time. One we definitely wouldn’t be without. It feels like it was only yesterday that he left to go back home to the mainland, but when I stop to check my calendar, I realize that was in the beginning of August. It’s been around two months since he left, and now November is clawing at our doors.

Which is why I’m left with yet another feeling of: What the hell happened?

The good thing is that I know exactly what happened this time around. It’s my day job. There’s been so much going on there lately that I’ve just been coasting by, not really noticing the time passing before my eyes. I’m sure I’ve been doing other things in between, like going to the gym occasionally, maybe sitting down with my guitar or plodding away on my current writing project (a psychological thriller that is going to be a sequel to a sequel), but it doesn’t feel like I’ve done anything for months… I haven’t even managed to finish a book in weeks.

I hate being like this. I imagine everyone does – no one wants to be stuck in a rut – but I imagine some people are a lot better at handling it than me. I often find myself growing frustrated with my lack of productivity, feeling like I ought to be more efficient with my time. I never seem to be able to acknowledge, or handle, that I need rest.

And it’s never even true that I’m not doing anything, when I take an objective look at it (or ask my wife). Sure, writing isn’t going fast these days, but while I’m trying to draft this new project, I’m also waiting to hear back about at least four(!) others, as well as planning my next, future project. And while I perhaps haven’t found time to sit down with my electric guitar and rehearse and play through songs with my death metal band, I’ve found a new love for my acoustic work, and I’ve started recording entirely new music for a different project.

I suppose I just need to remind myself that it’s okay to take a break. It’s alright to not do anything at all, and it’s alright to just do some stuff for fun. It’s okay to not always be creative, to not always produce something… It’s alright just to be.

I guess these blog posts are my way of reminding myself – because I know I’ve written about the exact same feelings before. So thanks, I guess. Thank you for reading, and for sticking around. It helps, knowing there’s others out there that feel the same.

Until next time!

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